The true meaning of Christmas

This time every year we hear those tedious calls for a “return to the true meaning of Christmas.” What various kill-joys and wet blankets want us to do is to celebrate in a simpler style, with less eating, drinking and groping of colleagues in broom-cupboards at the office Xmas party. Inevitably they then start saying something about Jesus, the “message of Christmas,” and some similar notions, equally woolly and vague.

Now, let me tell you a few things about the true meaning of Christmas. A thusand years ago us Scandinavians celebrated Midvinterblot at this, the darkest, time of the year. The “mid-winter sacrifice” was a ritual to convince the sun to return to the dark north. By all accounts it was a great party. They ate a lot, drank even more, and no doubt some groping of co-tribalists was taking place. The Vikings, by all accounts, didn’t need broom cupboards.

Have you ever considered why Christmas trees have red decorations? Originally they were dead animals the Scandinavians hung up as sacrifices. Queen Victoria’s German husband Albert took the Christmas tree with him to England and the tradition caught on. Few Anglo-Saxons know the gory origins.

When Christians missionaries appeared in northern Europe a thousand years ago they decided to do something about this great pagan party. People were clearly enjoying themselves too much. Gradually they turned it into a Christian holiday. Sacrifices were banned, together with over-eating, over-drinking and over-groping. The ruse should have been easy to expose: their man, Jesus, was actually born in the spring.

Luckily old traditions die hard and Midvinterblot will long outlive Christianity. So next time someone tells you in a superior tone of voice to “return to the true meaning of Christmas,” answer with a drunken cheer and tell them in no uncertain terms to stop messing with your celebration.