Feeder frenzy

Diane claims that women of a certain age — hers, I guess — have to make a brutal choice between preserving the look of their faces or the look of their bodies. If you keep your body slim, your cheeks start to hollow out and your face looks drawn. If you keep your face nice and plump, your body soon gets plumpissimo.

I’m very happy she has decided to go for the latter option. All received opinions on the topic are wrong. It’s the world’s biggest hoax. Women have no idea what men really want. The truth is of course that there is nothing more pleasant than … ahem … a well rounded woman.

Consequently I have lately spent much of my time feeding her things. I’m a stuffer of birds, a purveyor of calories, a giver of bountiful gifts and fattening cakes. It’s become a real obsession, a perversion even. I’ve tried googling for it but with little result. Could it be that I was granted that most unique of opportunities — the chance to identify a previously unidentified sexual deviation? Let’s call it “feeder frenzy.”

Diane claims that women of a certain age — hers, I guess — have to make a brutal choice between preserving the look of their faces or the look of their bodies. If you keep your body slim, your cheeks start to hollow out and your face looks drawn. If you keep your face nice and plump, your body soon gets plumpissimo.

I’m very happy she has decided to go for the latter option. All received opinions on the topic are wrong. It’s the world’s biggest hoax. Women have no idea what men really want. The truth is of course that there is nothing more pleasant than … ahem … a well rounded woman.

Consequently I have lately spent much of my time feeding her things. I’m a stuffer of birds, a purveyor of calories, a giver of bountiful gifts and fattening cakes. It’s become a real obsession, a perversion even. I’ve tried googling for it but with little result. Could it be that I was granted that most unique of opportunities — the chance to identify a previously unidentified sexual deviation? Let’s call it “feeder frenzy.”